Hey Allison! What a creepy introduction! As a scaredy cat, I'm not sure if I dare to read further ha! I think something fun to do with your story book would be to develop a narrator. Who is speaking? Is it you who has read this stories and wants to warn students? Is it a ghost who checked out a laptop at the Biz to share what he's seen on the internet? It may be a fun way to introduce the story and get readers to be invested not only in the stories as separate stories, but the arc of the narrator. If you're the narrator, will you survive the experience of outing all these ghosts' stories to the students of OU? Or will they need to take you out for revealing too much? This way, we will be dying to read to the end to learn the fate of the narrator who dared to share! But overall, great writing and good set up!
Hi Dana, I really like the picture of the OU campus you chose for your banner image. It gives a nice contrast to the image you insert later when you describe the haunted halls. Your descriptions of what the ghost stories will be about are so detailed. You did a great job of drawing me into your storybook. I like how there are witnesses to each of the stories so that you can give an accurate description of the scene for why each of those places are haunted. I am definitely a complete scaredy cat so now I’ll be a bit paranoid when I go into those buildings at night but I am excited to read the stories that you add to your storybook! I would recommend adding maybe a 1-2 sentence description of your storybook at the beginning on your home page so that people know what they’re about to read and it’ll be less confusing later when you add stories.
Hello there Dana! First, great job on the website! It looks really good, and I loved the home page's picture! However, when compared to the home page, I kinda felt like the introduction page was a little bit lacking. I also did a google site and I had some people saying this exact same thing to me. I would suggest getting more pictures of OU or maybe even taking some yourself and placing them throughout the story! Not only will this set the tone a bit more depending on if you choose night or day pictures, but you could easily have pictures of every place a scene takes place in your story! You are in a unique position to really show the reader exactly what the places you are talking about int your story look like since it would just be on campus! I am personally having a bit of trouble finding pictures to use for my stories. Just get a basic idea of what you are going to do for each story and where it will take place and go take a whole bunch of pics all at once and you won't have to do any more searching. This honestly might be easier anyways since once you go take the pics you'll have everything you need for the rest of your project! Keep it up :)
Hey, Dana, let me start out by saying that I love your topic choice! I have been on several ghost tours in Norman and Oklahoma City and love them! I know that OU has them sometimes but I haven't been yet. Anyway, I have heard about hauntings on campus and I am so glad you chose to write about them; that being said I wish that your website gave me creepier vibes. I don't think the layout screams ghost story to me. I think darker colors or a Halloween-like font for your title would up the aesthetic effect of your site. I loved your introduction. The intro really gets the creepy ghost story vibe going; I like the "read at your own risk" thing you've got going on - it works great for the subject. The only note I have about the writing is general editing - during your revisions, I would just take a look at your punctuation and word choice. Otherwise, fantastic job!
Hi Dana! I love the picture you chose for the cover page. I just think our campus is beautiful. For your introduction, I think that your image might have set the scene better if it had been placed as the banner for the page. I like that it’s night in the picture because it gives it a spooky vibe. You’re really making me look forward to Halloween! I like that you mention using “accounts from students, journal entries… and newspaper clippings…” I think the different points of view and format of writing will give your project a creative edge. When you mentioned the story from Ellison hall, I was confused. If the boy was just injured, why is his ghost there? Overall, I think your introduction is great. There were no glaring errors or cringey statements. You drew me in with little tastes of what your stories will hold. The ending will leave your readers excited to read on. I know I was a little sad that I couldn’t continue on to your first story. Maybe next week!
I love that you chose to do the OU ghost stories. I thought that was such an interesting topic so I might be a little biased towards your story. I thought the introduction did a great job of really pulling me in and getting me interested into reading the rest of your story book. One thing I might suggest is making the title a little bit creepier to really set the tone of what is to come. Also you might want to hint on whether the ghosts are evil or good or maybe something in between. Obviously do not give away your story but adding a little dash could help the readers be even more interested to to read your story. Overall I am really excited to see what you come up with and cannot wait to read the rest of your ghost stories.
Hi Dana! I almost choose to write about the ghost stories of OU. Your introduction reminded me of the Tower of Terror ride at Disney World. They give s synopsis of the ghost stories in the hotel right before you enter "the tower of terror" elevator. They said a similar line to the "enter if you dare". I am very interested to read your stories. It would be cool if you had students that go to OU currently experience some of the ghost experiences rather than just going into detail about them. I maybe scared to read your story about the library! That place already creeps me out! I am excited for your next stories!
Hi, Dana. First of all, I think I recognize you! I used to work in Starbucks in the Union, lol. Okay, so I just read your Storybook Introduction. I chose your project because I really love OU's campus, yet I have never participated in any of the ghost tours that I have heard about. I am curious as to where you got your inspiration for this project. Have you been on one of these tours, or heard any of the tales that you are going to include in your Storybook, or are they all completely made up by you? Anyhow, I am looking forward to your project a lot! Choosing OU campus as the set for your project was a great idea, as we can all easily picture the setting that you are creating for us. When you add your stories, I suggest adding pictures of the specific locations you will be writing about. Good job on this!
Hey, Dana! For starters, I love the premise of your storybook! I remember seeing this on a list of potential topics, and I’m glad that someone chose this theme for the semester. It really strikes a chord to see the introduction: “Of campus beautiful by day and NIGHT…” Spooky! I also love the banner image. Just a small suggestion for the introduction; two of the phrases at the end of your story descriptions both include something about hallways. Maybe for the sake of keeping it fresh, you could adjust one of these a little bit! Doing this might keep the stories more distinct in the eyes of your audience. Your first story was very spooky! I have also had the opportunity to spend a lot of time in Holmberg, so I really appreciate your descriptions. I would have loved if your story had gone on a little bit longer! For some reason, the ending felt a little abrupt and left me wanting more. Perhaps you could add in a more direct encounter, where the ghost approaches you or tries to chase you out of the auditorium. An ending like this might add some some more suspense and also contribute some length to the narrative!
Hey Dana, I really like your storybook so far! I am such a fan of scary movies and scary stuff so I am super happy that you chose to go this route. The introduction does a great job of introducing what your stories are going to be about and keeps the reader wanting to find out more, especially me. I also liked that you chose to relate this to OU since its something that all of us can relate to and maybe even some of us have experienced these for ourselves! I never knew there was an actual book written about haunted places in Norman but I am defiantly going to have to check this book out. I think its really great that you wrote the first story from first person perspective as it really makes the story believable and entertaining. I am really excited to see where you go with this awesome idea for a storybook!
Hi Dana! I had already read your introduction and wanted to comment on your wall again because I was so interested. You did a great job with the diary entry and your story is one that I am actually interested in reading. I like how you had a lot of in depth research for your story. It would be cool next time if you incorporated your main character actually going to Holmberg Hall to witness this ghostly experience versus just a diary entry. You ended the story sort of abruptly I would have liked to have add a bit more detail. Overall, really great job. I am going to have to check back next week for another story.
Dana! I love your blog so far. I was so spooked just reading your intro. You're little warning of future hauntings properly got me in the Halloween mood. You're first story was well set up. Making it a diary entry gave you ability to emote more, I'd say. Ghost stories are best told in first person perspective anyway. I'm curious to see where you take the next stories. I could see you continuing in the diary path, but you could also switch it up and try a third person story. I'm really excited for the story about the stacks! I hope you make it especially spooky!
Hi Dana! First off, your introduction does a great job of capturing the audience's attention, as does your title. I personally am a big fan of ghost stories so I was so excited to read this. I also really liked how you started off the introduction with a popular line! I LOVE that this is like a diary. I feel like that is how most of the best scary stories are. Also, the diary gives this a more personal vibe. This was truly a good scary story. It was well thought out, but it was not overdone, so it did not seem untrue. I like how the events are things that could actually happen. I have never read the source story, but I intend to. Also, I have never really looked into OU's past,l especially about ghost stories, but I am definitely interested now! I really like this project and I look forward to reading more stories. Great job!
I am in the other class (Indian Epics) and this is the week where we get to take a look at some of the projects in the other class. I was excited to choose your story because of the title, “OU’s Haunted Halls.” I have also done some stories set on the OU campus so I thought I might like this. I am also a big fan of scary themes. I have heard about buildings being haunted on campus and once my friends and I even went to see what it was all about. Unfortunately, we came up with nothing exciting. The layout of your project fit really well. The dark theme really added a spooky element while reading. I also liked how you made your story a sort of diary entry. That was very clever. I really enjoyed the story itself. It was very well-written and interesting to read. Great work!
Dana, although I said this in a previous comment, choosing OU as the setting for your project was a great idea, because then all of us from OU can easily picture the setting you are creating. I have been around Holmberg a lot, so it was no big deal to picture your tale in my mind. It was cool that you wrote your story as a diary entry and even included a date for it. When I came to the part about the old lady with a stern face who you wouldn't want to disappoint, I immediately thought that she must be someone who had known music in her life and was maybe a professor or performer herself when she was alive. Maybe she was watching as a professor would to critique her student, and maybe her student would have been nervous during the performance. When I got to the author's note and saw that you actually used a real performer/professor from OU as inspiration for this ghost, it was clear that you portrayed exactly what you were aiming for in your storytelling. Good job!
First I really enjoyed your story. I never knew that there were ghost stories here in Norman and I love that you are taking those stories and sharing them with us. I love that you chose to localize the setting to OU and I think it will really give the readers a sense of familiarity with your settings and your story. Some people are really superstitious and it's possible that knowing that you are getting your stories from another book that contains the original ghost stories, maybe someone will be spooked next time going to one of your settings. I like that you chose to write your story as a journal/diary entry because I myself do love narrative stories like this. The dialog was good but in my opinion it broke off the diary theme. I've never kept a journal so I can be completely wrong, I just don't imagine someone especially one who is so spooked to remember all that is said enough to quote in a journal. Maybe having the writer simply talk about the topics without the quotes will make it realistic. It will still give the story dialogue, yet keep with the theme of being a journal entry. But like I said, I've never done a journal entry so maybe people do quote more often. Overall, it was an amazing story.
Your project looks great so far! Your site is easy to navigate and it is very clean. I would suggest adding a link to your comment blog on your main page just to make it a bit easier to go back and forth between the two. Other than that, you could also post the full picture of your banner picture as it is very pretty and I'm sure many would like to see it in its entirety. Your introduction is fantastic. It really sets the reader up for the stories that are about to be told. Your first story is very entertaining and you did a great job adding a visual to an already detailed setting. I have never been in Holmberg Hall, so I'm glad that you decided to add that picture. I like that you chose to do this story as a diary entry. I think a first person narrative is perfect for a story like this. Once again, great job!
Hi Dana! First of all, I love how we are both taking on this Storybook style together. And, funny enough, we both selected Holmberg as our first story choice. I really like the aspect you have taken on this project from a diary perspective. I think this allows for more detail, and really allows readers to get into the mind of your character. This is something I am still struggling with my story right now. Your introduction is super helpful in giving readers an idea of what you are trying to accomplish with your storybook. I also really like the images you have used. Something I was thinking to do is go around campus at night to get some personal images of my own, and maybe edit them to be a little more spooky. Were you able to attend a campus ghost tour? I wish I could have attended one, but have something always coming up. If you haven't, it also might be a way to just get a feel of more of the stories and how the pan out here at the University. Anyways, I think you are doing an amazing job, and I am so excited to come back and see what new stories you add. Nice job!!!
Hello from the other class! I am in the Indian Epics class and I think we have basically commented on about everyones story already so we have switched over to your class. I like that we get to read something that we have no idea what it is about as I think you can get some really good comments about your writing that will be unbiased because we have no prior knowledge on the subject. I hope you get to come over and read one of my stories as well as I would love to read your comments. I really like the topic you picked for your writing as it makes it easy to write about something so close to home. I also think it would be fun to read more of your stories as they begin to add up throughout the semester and see the similarities that are ghost on campus.
Hi Dana! I really think your idea to explore horror stories on our very own OU campus is super creative. Your choice to write your stories as diaries is also really effective - it really allows you to delve into the ghost stories well, and helps the reader really feel like it happened to them. The fact that all these ghost stories are directly applicable to many readers makes it all the more relatable! One thing I would recommend is perhaps making your font bigger, since the small font and dark background can be a little harsh on peoples' eyes. Great job on your introduction and first story so far, and I really, really look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
Hey Dana! Since it's almost Halloween, it seemed fitting for me to choose your storybook and I'm glad I did! I love the banner picture of the University in the introduction. It really set the scene for spooky stories. Also, your first story picture choice was perfect. Content wise, you did an amazing job with your writing. In the introduction I was so curious as to what would happen next, while sitting on the edge of my seat so to speak. I also like that you give the full summary of what your storybook is going to accomplish. This way, the reader can decide whether they want to continue reading. My favorite line was probably the last line of the introduction! Great way to end with a cliff hanger and keep the reader interested. In the first story, I enjoyed the diary entry. I think that's a cool way to really have the reader feel like they were there, or encountering it themselves. You provide great imagery words and set up a spooky scene really well. My one suggestion is to add your name (instead of just my) onto the homepage that way you're giving yourself credit for your storybook! I'm really excited to read the rest of your storybook! Great job! :)
Hey Dana! I chose to comment on your project because it is Halloween week and even though the holiday already passed I’m still in the mood for spooky tales. I’m very impressed with how you were able to use the images that you did. I think that being we all go to school here it is pretty cool to see the darkness in your stories along with pictures of places we are all familiar with. One thing that I like that you do is separate your dialogue because it makes the reader able to separate between characters and it adds a more dramatic effect in my opinion. In your first story I like the part where the organ is being mentioned because it truly starts the creepiness in your writing. In your second story I think the interaction part is truly perfect. I think that this makes the reader want to keep going and adds to the “what’s next” factor. Overall you have done a great job with your work and it is apparent you have put a lot of time into this. Keep it up!
Hi Dana! First I would just like to say that I really like your story book and the style of it! I love the idea of your stories being through the eyes of students here at OU! It is crazy for me to think OU could be haunted, but you never really know! I liked your story of Holmberg Hall, I can relate! I have had several times where I will be walking through campus late at night and can hear someone playing the piano. Let me tell you, hearing a lone piano playing in a seemingly empty campus very late is a little freaky! I think you did a really good job at making it feel like you are right there with the writer, your sensory descriptions are incredibly detailed and I really appreciate that! You are a really good writer and I am definitely not too excited about ever stepping foot in these buildings anymore haha!
I’ve seen and commented on your home and introduction pages before, so I’ll skip right to your stories. Honestly, I was so impressed. The first one gave me chills, seriously. You put so much detail into how things felt and looked, it was like I was there. I like the first-person point of view and diary entry style. I have a hard time with this, but you hit the nail on the head. I love the idea for the second story. I didn’t know you could make it interactive like this. On the second section when you’re introducing the characters, I believe the “is done” should be an “are done.” Again, I got chills. I wish that it had been a bit longer story with more interaction. I like that your author’s note points out the real events and stories. It’s so crazy that this stuff actually happened on our campus. When I’m watching scary movies that say “based on a true story,” I always wonder just how much was true. You don’t lie or try to hide it though. Very very nice job, and I will definitely be back to see what else you add to this!
I must start by saying that I really liked your background colors and image. I think they are very fitting for your project. I got excited to ready your stories because I have not been able to read very much of the scary stories that take place on our campus. So, I was definitely looking forward to reading this. The Holmberg Hall story really gave me goose bumps! I was surprised to see that this story was based upon actual accounts of former students. I had no idea that these accounts even existed, so that was cool to find out! I have never been inside Holmberg Hall, and I do not plan on going there anytime soon. The second story was really creative! I love how made it where you can make your own decisions that impact the story. That was something that I had not seen before! I am looking forward to what you add next! I hope there is nothing about Dale Hall because I am there all of the time. Do you have any stories from your own experiences?
Boy howdy, Dan Abraham. This is a really neat concept — your site is super clean and the stories are perfectly spooky. Also, I love your incorporation of Twine — this is the perfect use for it and I love that you place the reader in the main character's shoes and incorporate all these outcomes. I think you keep the stories grim and appropriately creepy without getting gory. One thing I noticed is that the flow from the intro into your stories is a little disjointed. While there is the common ghost story theme, there's no recurring characters who help tell the stories. Moving from the intro to the first story is a little strange since that story is just an anonymous diary entry. I think it might help to introduce the students readers will hear from in the intro. Otherwise, this site looks amazing — I'm really looking forward to seeing how you finish it up!
Hi Dana, First off, I love that you're using OU ghost stories for your project. All of the students who read this will feel a connection, and it even gives me the urge to research old stories about our university. Your incorporation of Twine is genius! I reread the story three times to get each different result. It's very creative and interactive which makes the reader more inclined to be completely engaged.
One thing I am a bit confused about is the main character developments. In each story the reader doesn't really have an idea about the person telling the story. The second story gives more detail, but the first is quite vague.
But, I very much enjoyed your stories. I also am writing about ghost stories in my project, so it's interesting to see another person's ideas coming together. I am looking forward to seeing the rest of your stories and total project at the end of the semester.
Dana, I love this storybook the most out of all the ones I have read. I think you really get the reader intrigued not only by the topic but also by the creative approach. I do not like creepy or scary thinks because I am a wimp, but I wanted to keep reading and find out what happened. I thought the first story was great and then when you did a completely different perspective and had it be an interactive story I was blown away. I think that should have made the second story a little longer, but other then that the whole page is great. I am also surprised I had never heard of these ghost stories before and I am honestly really shocked and even more creeped out because I have been to these places. I can’t wait to read more during the last few weeks of the semester.
Dana, Let me just begin with the fact that I LOVE GHOST STORIES. They are some of my favorite spooky things to read about. I think I’ve experienced my own supernatural encounters here on this campus, so it’s kind of fun to hear about the other stories around the University. The first story was good, because I liked the letter/diary format. However, I wish I got more of a firsthand experience with the piece rather than through a retelling of an already retelling. The second story was good; it was better because it was more hands on. However, the clicking through of the story made me have to step out of the narrative so it was hard for me to be as invested with the piece compared to how I was with the first. Your pictures are good because they provide a good image and idea of setting. Even if I didn’t go to OU, I would be able to picture where the stories are taking place because of it. All in all, good job.
Dana, These have been a blast to read! I was a tour guide, and I occasionally gave a few ghost tours, so I was trained in all of the spooky facts of OU. My favorite one to tell is the ones in the stacks! Reading your spin off of these stories is fantastic! I also love that you have written in diary form. That makes your story extremely personal and pure. Your second story is the coolest one I have seen! How fun that you chose to do an interactive story? That is very clever and I had fun reading it and choosing my destiny! I reread your story and chose the other options to see the outcome! This was a blast! Thank you for writing! I can't wait to read your other stories!
Dana, what a fun project! It's no surprise that you are an aspiring journalist - your writing is so good! I really enjoyed your introduction because it sat the tone so nicely for the rest of the project. I mean it really is super creepy! How cool! I like in your first story how it resembles a diary entry, it really made me feel like I was hearing first hand from the narrator. And I mean the interactive part in the second story - so cool! What a neat thing to incorporate the twine is this way I loved it! Great job on providing pictures (even though most of us probably recognize the places you're describing) it really helps to visualize where you are describing and has me sufficiently creeped out to set foot on campu! Great job!
Hi Dana! This is such a creepy cool project. I didn't even know that we had a book of ghost stories based on University of Oklahoma ghosts! I'm definitely going to have to check that out. Your introduction set the mood so nicely, and your second story was full of great sensory details that gave me creepy crawly feelings, but I was especially blown away by your second story. You embedded a create your own adventure. That's insane. Insane, Dana. It was such a cool way to experience the story, and a great way to encourage bad decisions. In real life, I definitely would've gone back upstairs, but from the safety of my computer screen...I was beheaded. I guess YOLO doesn't apply here, huh? Anyways, this is too cool, and it'll be fun to see how you top yourself with the third story. Maybe a shaky iPhone video of a ghost encounter. That'd be really fun to see.
Hi again! I LOVE how your second story is interactive. This keeps the reader really engaged and I love how you make your choices. I unfortunately was beheaded in this story. I think it is a really neat idea to make this interactive. It really added to the "spook" factor. I also agree with the comment above. In real life, I would not have even agreed to going down to the basement, let alone crawling into dumbwaiter. In the real story, was the boy alone? I wonder how Margot reacted to the decapitation? I also really like how your blog is set up in dark colors, which goes to add to the spookiness of your stories. Maybe you could add some spooky audiophile to the project, this would enhance how scary it is. I absolutely cannot wait for the third stories. Your storybook is amazing! I cannot wait to see the final product. Good luck!
I appreciate that you let us know about your tech upgrade and how you created it. It is similar to an interactive lesson that I did once for OCCC on the Blair Witch trials. I have read one of your stories before, but I haven't seen your project yet. You still kept the same look of a dark background with the light lettering. It seems to go with the theme of your project. I think it would be neat for you to do a story about the stadium. Or, you could do a story about the underground tunnels below the engineering quad. Since you are so into doing more than the minimum, you could make your next challenge be a read-to-me story that has a secret message that isn't in the actual words (a message from the ghost, boo). You could even have someone else whisper something in the background. It could say the character's name or something about something about to happen.
Hey, Dana! I have visited your project before when it was just the introduction. As I said before, I love the topic choice. Telling OU ghost stories is a great way to make the project relateable to your audience. I also think local ghost stories are so cool. The look of your website is awesome. The dark colors and the pictures you have chosen work well to connect the reader to the stories. I really like the format of "A Strange Day in Holmberg Hall." Making it a diary entry is a creative way to get away from a plain narrative style. My only critiques would be general editing - there are a couple comma splices - commas are my enemy so I have to really pay attention to avoid forgetting one or putting one somewhere it doesn't need to be - a good read through will help you find these and fix them. The only other thing is I wished it was a bit longer, perhaps add some more description of the ghost. Your other story, "Tragedy in Cate Center," is awesome! I love the interactive element. It's awesome that you shared your tech tip as well, so others can make interactive stories, super cool. Well done.
Hey again Dana, just checking back in on your storybook project. The interactive story you added about Cate was really cool, I had no idea you could even do something like that. It was great that you included a link and explanation for how to actually accomplish this in case anyone else ever wanted to do this as well! It also really added a sense of fear to match your overall project theme because you don't really know what clicking the links is going to do. The fact that you get a choice in how the story ends is really awesome! I was also a big fan of the fact that this story forced you into the boy's shoes, which the original tragedy happened to. Overall, I think the creativity of this project really shines and I think this is one of my favorites that I have read. And as a said before, I like the continued element that this is happening at OU because it makes it so relatable. It would be cool to include some more pictures to your pages, like maybe of the victims pre-tragedy, to make it even more real and scary. Anyways, keep up the great work and I can't wait to see what creative story element you come up with next.
Hi Dana! Really great story! While I have no idea where Holmberg Hall is, I could definitely see this situation happening in any of the building on campus that have pianos. You made this story feel very real and it was really cool how you adapted the story to be in your own perspective. I can really see where someone was up late practicing their instrument when they hear a strange noise, causing their imagination to run while. I think that some illustrations would make this story pop even more to the reader! Like maybe some picture of ghosts and opera singers, or even images from the phantom of the opera movie. This story seems like it could have been inspired by that movie in the first place. Great job!
Hey Dana, I thought that your storybook was great! I really liked how you made the stories connect to OU. It gave us all a personal connection to the stories and help give background information without actually having to tell us the information itself. Your intro was strong and seemed to have a lot of thought put into it. As for the stories I think that They were super interesting and had great detail. The detail painted images in my mind as I read through. The haunting really made me feel like Cate was really haunted. Plus being a supernatural fan, I thought it was really fun to read the hauntings.
Hi Dana! I just read your story about the tragedy in Cate Center. I love the unique style you used to tell this story. It gives your reader the chance to shape the story in whatever way they wish while still following the plot. It reminded me of some books I used to read while growing up. Where did you get the idea to tell your story in this way? It's brilliant! I also love that you used OU's campus for your story. For this class, it brings in an extra tie for each of your readers to feel that connection with your story. Not gonna lie, this story started making me wonder if there is a dumbwaiter in the Cate Center. That would be pretty cool! Thank you so much for making a unique story that changed up the pace for your reader! It made it a lot of fun to read! Keep up the great work!
Hello Dana. I read the first story in your series about ghost on the OU Campus. I think it is a nice choice for this class since we all have been to these buildings at some point in our time at OU. As far as a general audience goes it might be a tough sell. As far as the story goes I enjoy the first person perspective and you telling it into a diary or journal. The story had a pretty good pace. I would have added a little more detail when it comes to the ghost. You touched on it in the author's note but it should have been in the story somewhere. Possibly in the beginning portion where the unease of being there starts. Other than that I would keep a general audience in mind, what is it that could be done to keep them engaged, details is where you should start.
Just checking back in to look at your portfolio again! The interactive story was the coolest thing I have read all semester! I have no Idea how you did that but it was so much fun getting to be able to choose my own ending. I picked the one that was going to be as scary as possible and it did not disappoint. The only thing I would consider making changes is to is that the story just felt like it ended so abruptly. I would maybe add some more detail to it to make it even more scary and interesting. The way it was present was perfect but I think coming up with a little more detail from your own imagination to keep the readers locked in to what you are writing. You could even make it more gory and explain what the kids head did when it got caught in the dumbwaiter. Other than that, I thoroughly enjoyed this interactive experience and maybe I can try and figure out how to do something like that myself. Keep up the good work!
Well I am so excited that I made my way back to your storybook!! I saw it in the very early days of your storybook, when you only had the homepage up! So it is really cool to see how far you have come. I see that you have added 3 whole stories to it, which is awesome! You've been putting in some serious work. OK, maybe I am naive (or just dumb) but I had no idea that your stories were based of off actual retellings! When I first came to your page a while ago, the way your intro sounded was that of a new student at OU who has been experiencing some strange encounters. Perhaps you did have that there, and just have made some changes since then! But seriously now I want to look up the actual stories from Jeff Provine's book, its so creepy!! The only advice I have would be, if possible, to elaborate on the second two stories if possible. The first one is excellent and filled with detail, and I would love to see that for the following ones. Plus, the interactive story did not work with my browser :( Other than that, great job and happy writing!
Your project is so cool! I am a tour guide at OU, so they tell us those stories during the Halloween season to spice up our tours! I LOVED the story about Cate Center. Not only have I not heard that one before, I absolutely loved the "options" you gave your readers. This makes the readers make the story their own! I was so intrigued that I wanted to read more! This was so well done! I will have to use this one while I am walking next to cate! Also, the style of your writing was easy-to-follow, and I noticed that before I saw your bio at the end. You are definitely in the right major, your writing was exceptional! Keep up the good work, and good luck with the rest of your semester!
Hi Dana! Wow, you did a great job on this project! I’m assuming you are into scary stories. Haha. My favorite part about “A Strange Day in Holmberg Hall” was the ending! I feel like you were building up to that point, and then you waited till the end for the scariest part of all—great work! My favorite part about “Tragedy in Cate Center” was the fact that the audience got to pic what path they wanted to take into the story—how creative! I think this really made your project stand out, and I’m so glad I got to read your mysterious writings! One thing I was a little confused about was “A Night at the old Tri-Delt house. I thought that the color scheme was hard to follow, and a bit distracting from your writing. What if you decided to just stick with one color? Other than that, I loved it!
Hi Dana! Your introduction was so spooky! It did an amazing job at letting the reader know what each ghost story was going to be about which drew me in even more. I like how you chose to go about telling these stories through the account of an eye witness. This allows the witness to give an accurate depiction of each encounter and why those places were haunted in the first place. I'm a sucker when it comes to ghost stories even though I know that I get scared after reading or watching them. I've never personally been on an OU ghost tour, but I wonder if you drew an inspiration from them. After reading the stories it makes me a tiny bit scared to go into these buildings at night now. The fact that you chose OU to write about is very interesting because I know that there are a couple "haunted" buildings on campus and even in Norman! Overall, you had a great storybook and I look forward to reading more from you!
Dana, I had visited your project before and chose to revisit it for my last Feedback assignment! I read your last two stories today, and I thought it was so great that you changed up your storytelling method. All of the storybooks and portfolios that I have seen have stuck to the same format throughout, and I thought was you did with the third story was so cool. Letting the reader choose the events and the outcome of the story in an interactive manner was intriguing. I wanted to know if the story of the boy being decapitated in 1986 was true? Also, thanks for including the website that you used to set this up. It was also cool that you made the last story a phone conversation, as this differs from your other storytelling methods, as well. Great job on this project! I'm glad that I got to read your entire project this semester!
Hi Dana! First, your website looks really good and navigates well. I like the fact that you included actual pictures from campus. I am a huge fan of horror stories so I knew I had to visit your site after reading your title. I will say the story that stuck out to me the most was the choose your own adventure story in Cate center. I was definitely not expecting it to actually have multiple different endings, so it was a really nice surprise. I clicked through all of the scenarios so I could read everything that you had put for each option. I honestly have no critiques for it because I thoroughly enjoyed the fact that it was like Goosebumps. However, what if you added another part to the ending where you are the one that gets your head chopped off? You could say something about how you now haunt Cate center. I think that would be an interesting, but it’s just a thought and I really don’t think you need to change anything.
Howdy Dana! I'm back because I wanted to see how your storybook turned out, and it's really neat! I hadn't read the "Night at the old Tri-Delt house" story before, but your creative and unique narrative style were really engaging. I love how you switched up the format between every story — it really worked since the stories all involved different settings and characters. And the alternating colors on the dialogue for your final story was smart and easy to read. I think one thing that might be helpful would be to include a picture of each story's setting (Holmberg, Cate, the old Tri-Delt house/telephone booth) in the header of each story instead of using the same shot of OU for each header. It might be especially nice on the second story, so you can get straight to the Twine while using the Cate Center photo in the header. Otherwise, this looks wonderful — fabulous job!
You have done a really great job on your project throughout this semester. I love the layout you chose for your website. It is very neat, clean and easy to navigate. You had a different twist to your project than the other student's in the class and I really enjoyed it. I think the ghost stories of various places around norman was a great idea, and it was very entertaining to read. You did an excellent job with included dialogue, and also a good job of formatting that dialogue. It was very smooth and you incorporated it into the story nicely. Great job on this project. You did well all semester!
Hi Dana! I chose to read your collection because I adore ghost stories and I also love OU. I’m not sure if you have talked to Cathy (our late-night cleaning lady in Copeland), but she has some interesting ghost stories to share. You may want to ask her the next time you work late. I read A Night at the old Tri-Delt House first because it sounded the most interesting to me. You did a wonderful job retelling this story and making it your own. I never know that there was an exorcism on campus. In fact, I wish I never knew because I know this is going to bother me. After reading this, I moved on to Reporting from Bizzell. I liked how you used your experience as a reporter to tell this story. I wonder will Francis be the ghost or was she killed by a ghost? Overall your project was so interesting and I really enjoyed the stories that you share.
Hello Dana! Well it is the end of the semester and out of all the portfolios I have read I figured I would finish with yours. The flow and design are great. The different styles you used, especially with the transcript were pretty well done. Gives a nice change of pace to what one would normally encounter with these portfolios. I still think your use of using known OU ghost stories is a genius idea. I am sure you could get more information the more you digged just from people on campus. Your writing is far superior to mine, I can tell you will be a great writer in your career. My only negative would be the interactive story. Although it was a great idea and had multiple outcomes, this probably wasn't the class to use it for. It did interrupt the flow some, at least for me because I am a speed reader. Other than that it is an amazing portfolio and great job!
Hey Allison! What a creepy introduction! As a scaredy cat, I'm not sure if I dare to read further ha! I think something fun to do with your story book would be to develop a narrator. Who is speaking? Is it you who has read this stories and wants to warn students? Is it a ghost who checked out a laptop at the Biz to share what he's seen on the internet? It may be a fun way to introduce the story and get readers to be invested not only in the stories as separate stories, but the arc of the narrator. If you're the narrator, will you survive the experience of outing all these ghosts' stories to the students of OU? Or will they need to take you out for revealing too much? This way, we will be dying to read to the end to learn the fate of the narrator who dared to share! But overall, great writing and good set up!
ReplyDeleteHi Dana, I really like the picture of the OU campus you chose for your banner image. It gives a nice contrast to the image you insert later when you describe the haunted halls. Your descriptions of what the ghost stories will be about are so detailed. You did a great job of drawing me into your storybook. I like how there are witnesses to each of the stories so that you can give an accurate description of the scene for why each of those places are haunted. I am definitely a complete scaredy cat so now I’ll be a bit paranoid when I go into those buildings at night but I am excited to read the stories that you add to your storybook! I would recommend adding maybe a 1-2 sentence description of your storybook at the beginning on your home page so that people know what they’re about to read and it’ll be less confusing later when you add stories.
ReplyDeleteHello there Dana!
ReplyDeleteFirst, great job on the website! It looks really good, and I loved the home page's picture! However, when compared to the home page, I kinda felt like the introduction page was a little bit lacking. I also did a google site and I had some people saying this exact same thing to me. I would suggest getting more pictures of OU or maybe even taking some yourself and placing them throughout the story! Not only will this set the tone a bit more depending on if you choose night or day pictures, but you could easily have pictures of every place a scene takes place in your story! You are in a unique position to really show the reader exactly what the places you are talking about int your story look like since it would just be on campus! I am personally having a bit of trouble finding pictures to use for my stories. Just get a basic idea of what you are going to do for each story and where it will take place and go take a whole bunch of pics all at once and you won't have to do any more searching. This honestly might be easier anyways since once you go take the pics you'll have everything you need for the rest of your project!
Keep it up :)
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ReplyDeleteHey, Dana, let me start out by saying that I love your topic choice! I have been on several ghost tours in Norman and Oklahoma City and love them! I know that OU has them sometimes but I haven't been yet. Anyway, I have heard about hauntings on campus and I am so glad you chose to write about them; that being said I wish that your website gave me creepier vibes. I don't think the layout screams ghost story to me. I think darker colors or a Halloween-like font for your title would up the aesthetic effect of your site. I loved your introduction. The intro really gets the creepy ghost story vibe going; I like the "read at your own risk" thing you've got going on - it works great for the subject. The only note I have about the writing is general editing - during your revisions, I would just take a look at your punctuation and word choice. Otherwise, fantastic job!
ReplyDeleteHi Dana! I love the picture you chose for the cover page. I just think our campus is beautiful. For your introduction, I think that your image might have set the scene better if it had been placed as the banner for the page. I like that it’s night in the picture because it gives it a spooky vibe. You’re really making me look forward to Halloween! I like that you mention using “accounts from students, journal entries… and newspaper clippings…” I think the different points of view and format of writing will give your project a creative edge. When you mentioned the story from Ellison hall, I was confused. If the boy was just injured, why is his ghost there? Overall, I think your introduction is great. There were no glaring errors or cringey statements. You drew me in with little tastes of what your stories will hold. The ending will leave your readers excited to read on. I know I was a little sad that I couldn’t continue on to your first story. Maybe next week!
ReplyDeleteHey Dana!
ReplyDeleteI love that you chose to do the OU ghost stories. I thought that was such an interesting topic so I might be a little biased towards your story. I thought the introduction did a great job of really pulling me in and getting me interested into reading the rest of your story book. One thing I might suggest is making the title a little bit creepier to really set the tone of what is to come. Also you might want to hint on whether the ghosts are evil or good or maybe something in between. Obviously do not give away your story but adding a little dash could help the readers be even more interested to to read your story. Overall I am really excited to see what you come up with and cannot wait to read the rest of your ghost stories.
Hi Dana! I almost choose to write about the ghost stories of OU. Your introduction reminded me of the Tower of Terror ride at Disney World. They give s synopsis of the ghost stories in the hotel right before you enter "the tower of terror" elevator. They said a similar line to the "enter if you dare". I am very interested to read your stories. It would be cool if you had students that go to OU currently experience some of the ghost experiences rather than just going into detail about them. I maybe scared to read your story about the library! That place already creeps me out! I am excited for your next stories!
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ReplyDeleteHi, Dana. First of all, I think I recognize you! I used to work in Starbucks in the Union, lol. Okay, so I just read your Storybook Introduction. I chose your project because I really love OU's campus, yet I have never participated in any of the ghost tours that I have heard about. I am curious as to where you got your inspiration for this project. Have you been on one of these tours, or heard any of the tales that you are going to include in your Storybook, or are they all completely made up by you? Anyhow, I am looking forward to your project a lot! Choosing OU campus as the set for your project was a great idea, as we can all easily picture the setting that you are creating for us. When you add your stories, I suggest adding pictures of the specific locations you will be writing about. Good job on this!
ReplyDeleteHey, Dana!
ReplyDeleteFor starters, I love the premise of your storybook! I remember seeing this on a list of potential topics, and I’m glad that someone chose this theme for the semester. It really strikes a chord to see the introduction: “Of campus beautiful by day and NIGHT…” Spooky! I also love the banner image.
Just a small suggestion for the introduction; two of the phrases at the end of your story descriptions both include something about hallways. Maybe for the sake of keeping it fresh, you could adjust one of these a little bit! Doing this might keep the stories more distinct in the eyes of your audience.
Your first story was very spooky! I have also had the opportunity to spend a lot of time in Holmberg, so I really appreciate your descriptions. I would have loved if your story had gone on a little bit longer! For some reason, the ending felt a little abrupt and left me wanting more. Perhaps you could add in a more direct encounter, where the ghost approaches you or tries to chase you out of the auditorium. An ending like this might add some some more suspense and also contribute some length to the narrative!
Hey Dana, I really like your storybook so far! I am such a fan of scary movies and scary stuff so I am super happy that you chose to go this route. The introduction does a great job of introducing what your stories are going to be about and keeps the reader wanting to find out more, especially me. I also liked that you chose to relate this to OU since its something that all of us can relate to and maybe even some of us have experienced these for ourselves! I never knew there was an actual book written about haunted places in Norman but I am defiantly going to have to check this book out. I think its really great that you wrote the first story from first person perspective as it really makes the story believable and entertaining. I am really excited to see where you go with this awesome idea for a storybook!
ReplyDeleteHi Dana! I had already read your introduction and wanted to comment on your wall again because I was so interested. You did a great job with the diary entry and your story is one that I am actually interested in reading. I like how you had a lot of in depth research for your story. It would be cool next time if you incorporated your main character actually going to Holmberg Hall to witness this ghostly experience versus just a diary entry. You ended the story sort of abruptly I would have liked to have add a bit more detail. Overall, really great job. I am going to have to check back next week for another story.
ReplyDeleteDana! I love your blog so far. I was so spooked just reading your intro. You're little warning of future hauntings properly got me in the Halloween mood. You're first story was well set up. Making it a diary entry gave you ability to emote more, I'd say. Ghost stories are best told in first person perspective anyway.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious to see where you take the next stories. I could see you continuing in the diary path, but you could also switch it up and try a third person story. I'm really excited for the story about the stacks! I hope you make it especially spooky!
Hi Dana! First off, your introduction does a great job of capturing the audience's attention, as does your title. I personally am a big fan of ghost stories so I was so excited to read this. I also really liked how you started off the introduction with a popular line! I LOVE that this is like a diary. I feel like that is how most of the best scary stories are. Also, the diary gives this a more personal vibe. This was truly a good scary story. It was well thought out, but it was not overdone, so it did not seem untrue. I like how the events are things that could actually happen. I have never read the source story, but I intend to. Also, I have never really looked into OU's past,l especially about ghost stories, but I am definitely interested now! I really like this project and I look forward to reading more stories. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Dana!
ReplyDeleteI am in the other class (Indian Epics) and this is the week where we get to take a look at some of the projects in the other class. I was excited to choose your story because of the title, “OU’s Haunted Halls.” I have also done some stories set on the OU campus so I thought I might like this. I am also a big fan of scary themes. I have heard about buildings being haunted on campus and once my friends and I even went to see what it was all about. Unfortunately, we came up with nothing exciting. The layout of your project fit really well. The dark theme really added a spooky element while reading. I also liked how you made your story a sort of diary entry. That was very clever. I really enjoyed the story itself. It was very well-written and interesting to read. Great work!
Dana, although I said this in a previous comment, choosing OU as the setting for your project was a great idea, because then all of us from OU can easily picture the setting you are creating. I have been around Holmberg a lot, so it was no big deal to picture your tale in my mind. It was cool that you wrote your story as a diary entry and even included a date for it. When I came to the part about the old lady with a stern face who you wouldn't want to disappoint, I immediately thought that she must be someone who had known music in her life and was maybe a professor or performer herself when she was alive. Maybe she was watching as a professor would to critique her student, and maybe her student would have been nervous during the performance. When I got to the author's note and saw that you actually used a real performer/professor from OU as inspiration for this ghost, it was clear that you portrayed exactly what you were aiming for in your storytelling. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHello Dana.
ReplyDeleteFirst I really enjoyed your story. I never knew that there were ghost stories here in Norman and I love that you are taking those stories and sharing them with us. I love that you chose to localize the setting to OU and I think it will really give the readers a sense of familiarity with your settings and your story. Some people are really superstitious and it's possible that knowing that you are getting your stories from another book that contains the original ghost stories, maybe someone will be spooked next time going to one of your settings. I like that you chose to write your story as a journal/diary entry because I myself do love narrative stories like this. The dialog was good but in my opinion it broke off the diary theme. I've never kept a journal so I can be completely wrong, I just don't imagine someone especially one who is so spooked to remember all that is said enough to quote in a journal. Maybe having the writer simply talk about the topics without the quotes will make it realistic. It will still give the story dialogue, yet keep with the theme of being a journal entry. But like I said, I've never done a journal entry so maybe people do quote more often. Overall, it was an amazing story.
Hi Dana,
ReplyDeleteYour project looks great so far! Your site is easy to navigate and it is very clean. I would suggest adding a link to your comment blog on your main page just to make it a bit easier to go back and forth between the two. Other than that, you could also post the full picture of your banner picture as it is very pretty and I'm sure many would like to see it in its entirety.
Your introduction is fantastic. It really sets the reader up for the stories that are about to be told.
Your first story is very entertaining and you did a great job adding a visual to an already detailed setting. I have never been in Holmberg Hall, so I'm glad that you decided to add that picture. I like that you chose to do this story as a diary entry. I think a first person narrative is perfect for a story like this.
Once again, great job!
Hi Dana!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I love how we are both taking on this Storybook style together. And, funny enough, we both selected Holmberg as our first story choice. I really like the aspect you have taken on this project from a diary perspective. I think this allows for more detail, and really allows readers to get into the mind of your character. This is something I am still struggling with my story right now. Your introduction is super helpful in giving readers an idea of what you are trying to accomplish with your storybook. I also really like the images you have used. Something I was thinking to do is go around campus at night to get some personal images of my own, and maybe edit them to be a little more spooky. Were you able to attend a campus ghost tour? I wish I could have attended one, but have something always coming up. If you haven't, it also might be a way to just get a feel of more of the stories and how the pan out here at the University. Anyways, I think you are doing an amazing job, and I am so excited to come back and see what new stories you add. Nice job!!!
Dana,
ReplyDeleteHello from the other class! I am in the Indian Epics class and I think we have basically commented on about everyones story already so we have switched over to your class. I like that we get to read something that we have no idea what it is about as I think you can get some really good comments about your writing that will be unbiased because we have no prior knowledge on the subject. I hope you get to come over and read one of my stories as well as I would love to read your comments. I really like the topic you picked for your writing as it makes it easy to write about something so close to home. I also think it would be fun to read more of your stories as they begin to add up throughout the semester and see the similarities that are ghost on campus.
Hi Dana! I really think your idea to explore horror stories on our very own OU campus is super creative. Your choice to write your stories as diaries is also really effective - it really allows you to delve into the ghost stories well, and helps the reader really feel like it happened to them. The fact that all these ghost stories are directly applicable to many readers makes it all the more relatable! One thing I would recommend is perhaps making your font bigger, since the small font and dark background can be a little harsh on peoples' eyes. Great job on your introduction and first story so far, and I really, really look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
ReplyDeleteHey Dana!
ReplyDeleteSince it's almost Halloween, it seemed fitting for me to choose your storybook and I'm glad I did! I love the banner picture of the University in the introduction. It really set the scene for spooky stories. Also, your first story picture choice was perfect.
Content wise, you did an amazing job with your writing. In the introduction I was so curious as to what would happen next, while sitting on the edge of my seat so to speak. I also like that you give the full summary of what your storybook is going to accomplish. This way, the reader can decide whether they want to continue reading. My favorite line was probably the last line of the introduction! Great way to end with a cliff hanger and keep the reader interested. In the first story, I enjoyed the diary entry. I think that's a cool way to really have the reader feel like they were there, or encountering it themselves. You provide great imagery words and set up a spooky scene really well. My one suggestion is to add your name (instead of just my) onto the homepage that way you're giving yourself credit for your storybook!
I'm really excited to read the rest of your storybook! Great job! :)
Hey Dana! I chose to comment on your project because it is Halloween week and even though the holiday already passed I’m still in the mood for spooky tales. I’m very impressed with how you were able to use the images that you did. I think that being we all go to school here it is pretty cool to see the darkness in your stories along with pictures of places we are all familiar with. One thing that I like that you do is separate your dialogue because it makes the reader able to separate between characters and it adds a more dramatic effect in my opinion. In your first story I like the part where the organ is being mentioned because it truly starts the creepiness in your writing. In your second story I think the interaction part is truly perfect. I think that this makes the reader want to keep going and adds to the “what’s next” factor. Overall you have done a great job with your work and it is apparent you have put a lot of time into this. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHi Dana! First I would just like to say that I really like your story book and the style of it! I love the idea of your stories being through the eyes of students here at OU! It is crazy for me to think OU could be haunted, but you never really know! I liked your story of Holmberg Hall, I can relate! I have had several times where I will be walking through campus late at night and can hear someone playing the piano. Let me tell you, hearing a lone piano playing in a seemingly empty campus very late is a little freaky! I think you did a really good job at making it feel like you are right there with the writer, your sensory descriptions are incredibly detailed and I really appreciate that! You are a really good writer and I am definitely not too excited about ever stepping foot in these buildings anymore haha!
ReplyDeleteI’ve seen and commented on your home and introduction pages before, so I’ll skip right to your stories. Honestly, I was so impressed. The first one gave me chills, seriously. You put so much detail into how things felt and looked, it was like I was there. I like the first-person point of view and diary entry style. I have a hard time with this, but you hit the nail on the head. I love the idea for the second story. I didn’t know you could make it interactive like this. On the second section when you’re introducing the characters, I believe the “is done” should be an “are done.” Again, I got chills. I wish that it had been a bit longer story with more interaction. I like that your author’s note points out the real events and stories. It’s so crazy that this stuff actually happened on our campus. When I’m watching scary movies that say “based on a true story,” I always wonder just how much was true. You don’t lie or try to hide it though. Very very nice job, and I will definitely be back to see what else you add to this!
ReplyDeleteHey there, Dana!
ReplyDeleteI must start by saying that I really liked your background colors and image. I think they are very fitting for your project. I got excited to ready your stories because I have not been able to read very much of the scary stories that take place on our campus. So, I was definitely looking forward to reading this. The Holmberg Hall story really gave me goose bumps! I was surprised to see that this story was based upon actual accounts of former students. I had no idea that these accounts even existed, so that was cool to find out! I have never been inside Holmberg Hall, and I do not plan on going there anytime soon. The second story was really creative! I love how made it where you can make your own decisions that impact the story. That was something that I had not seen before! I am looking forward to what you add next! I hope there is nothing about Dale Hall because I am there all of the time. Do you have any stories from your own experiences?
Boy howdy, Dan Abraham. This is a really neat concept — your site is super clean and the stories are perfectly spooky. Also, I love your incorporation of Twine — this is the perfect use for it and I love that you place the reader in the main character's shoes and incorporate all these outcomes. I think you keep the stories grim and appropriately creepy without getting gory. One thing I noticed is that the flow from the intro into your stories is a little disjointed. While there is the common ghost story theme, there's no recurring characters who help tell the stories. Moving from the intro to the first story is a little strange since that story is just an anonymous diary entry. I think it might help to introduce the students readers will hear from in the intro. Otherwise, this site looks amazing — I'm really looking forward to seeing how you finish it up!
ReplyDeleteHi Dana,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love that you're using OU ghost stories for your project. All of the students who read this will feel a connection, and it even gives me the urge to research old stories about our university. Your incorporation of Twine is genius! I reread the story three times to get each different result. It's very creative and interactive which makes the reader more inclined to be completely engaged.
One thing I am a bit confused about is the main character developments. In each story the reader doesn't really have an idea about the person telling the story. The second story gives more detail, but the first is quite vague.
But, I very much enjoyed your stories. I also am writing about ghost stories in my project, so it's interesting to see another person's ideas coming together. I am looking forward to seeing the rest of your stories and total project at the end of the semester.
Dana, I love this storybook the most out of all the ones I have read. I think you really get the reader intrigued not only by the topic but also by the creative approach. I do not like creepy or scary thinks because I am a wimp, but I wanted to keep reading and find out what happened. I thought the first story was great and then when you did a completely different perspective and had it be an interactive story I was blown away. I think that should have made the second story a little longer, but other then that the whole page is great. I am also surprised I had never heard of these ghost stories before and I am honestly really shocked and even more creeped out because I have been to these places. I can’t wait to read more during the last few weeks of the semester.
ReplyDeleteDana,
ReplyDeleteLet me just begin with the fact that I LOVE GHOST STORIES. They are some of my favorite spooky things to read about. I think I’ve experienced my own supernatural encounters here on this campus, so it’s kind of fun to hear about the other stories around the University. The first story was good, because I liked the letter/diary format. However, I wish I got more of a firsthand experience with the piece rather than through a retelling of an already retelling. The second story was good; it was better because it was more hands on. However, the clicking through of the story made me have to step out of the narrative so it was hard for me to be as invested with the piece compared to how I was with the first. Your pictures are good because they provide a good image and idea of setting. Even if I didn’t go to OU, I would be able to picture where the stories are taking place because of it. All in all, good job.
Dana,
ReplyDeleteThese have been a blast to read! I was a tour guide, and I occasionally gave a few ghost tours, so I was trained in all of the spooky facts of OU. My favorite one to tell is the ones in the stacks! Reading your spin off of these stories is fantastic! I also love that you have written in diary form. That makes your story extremely personal and pure. Your second story is the coolest one I have seen! How fun that you chose to do an interactive story? That is very clever and I had fun reading it and choosing my destiny! I reread your story and chose the other options to see the outcome! This was a blast! Thank you for writing! I can't wait to read your other stories!
Dana, what a fun project! It's no surprise that you are an aspiring journalist - your writing is so good! I really enjoyed your introduction because it sat the tone so nicely for the rest of the project. I mean it really is super creepy! How cool! I like in your first story how it resembles a diary entry, it really made me feel like I was hearing first hand from the narrator. And I mean the interactive part in the second story - so cool! What a neat thing to incorporate the twine is this way I loved it! Great job on providing pictures (even though most of us probably recognize the places you're describing) it really helps to visualize where you are describing and has me sufficiently creeped out to set foot on campu! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Dana!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a creepy cool project. I didn't even know that we had a book of ghost stories based on University of Oklahoma ghosts! I'm definitely going to have to check that out. Your introduction set the mood so nicely, and your second story was full of great sensory details that gave me creepy crawly feelings, but I was especially blown away by your second story. You embedded a create your own adventure. That's insane. Insane, Dana. It was such a cool way to experience the story, and a great way to encourage bad decisions. In real life, I definitely would've gone back upstairs, but from the safety of my computer screen...I was beheaded. I guess YOLO doesn't apply here, huh? Anyways, this is too cool, and it'll be fun to see how you top yourself with the third story. Maybe a shaky iPhone video of a ghost encounter. That'd be really fun to see.
Hi again! I LOVE how your second story is interactive. This keeps the reader really engaged and I love how you make your choices. I unfortunately was beheaded in this story. I think it is a really neat idea to make this interactive. It really added to the "spook" factor. I also agree with the comment above. In real life, I would not have even agreed to going down to the basement, let alone crawling into dumbwaiter. In the real story, was the boy alone? I wonder how Margot reacted to the decapitation? I also really like how your blog is set up in dark colors, which goes to add to the spookiness of your stories. Maybe you could add some spooky audiophile to the project, this would enhance how scary it is. I absolutely cannot wait for the third stories. Your storybook is amazing! I cannot wait to see the final product. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate that you let us know about your tech upgrade and how you created it. It is similar to an interactive lesson that I did once for OCCC on the Blair Witch trials. I have read one of your stories before, but I haven't seen your project yet. You still kept the same look of a dark background with the light lettering. It seems to go with the theme of your project. I think it would be neat for you to do a story about the stadium. Or, you could do a story about the underground tunnels below the engineering quad. Since you are so into doing more than the minimum, you could make your next challenge be a read-to-me story that has a secret message that isn't in the actual words (a message from the ghost, boo). You could even have someone else whisper something in the background. It could say the character's name or something about something about to happen.
ReplyDeleteHey, Dana! I have visited your project before when it was just the introduction. As I said before, I love the topic choice. Telling OU ghost stories is a great way to make the project relateable to your audience. I also think local ghost stories are so cool. The look of your website is awesome. The dark colors and the pictures you have chosen work well to connect the reader to the stories. I really like the format of "A Strange Day in Holmberg Hall." Making it a diary entry is a creative way to get away from a plain narrative style. My only critiques would be general editing - there are a couple comma splices - commas are my enemy so I have to really pay attention to avoid forgetting one or putting one somewhere it doesn't need to be - a good read through will help you find these and fix them. The only other thing is I wished it was a bit longer, perhaps add some more description of the ghost. Your other story, "Tragedy in Cate Center," is awesome! I love the interactive element. It's awesome that you shared your tech tip as well, so others can make interactive stories, super cool. Well done.
ReplyDeleteHey again Dana, just checking back in on your storybook project. The interactive story you added about Cate was really cool, I had no idea you could even do something like that. It was great that you included a link and explanation for how to actually accomplish this in case anyone else ever wanted to do this as well! It also really added a sense of fear to match your overall project theme because you don't really know what clicking the links is going to do. The fact that you get a choice in how the story ends is really awesome! I was also a big fan of the fact that this story forced you into the boy's shoes, which the original tragedy happened to. Overall, I think the creativity of this project really shines and I think this is one of my favorites that I have read. And as a said before, I like the continued element that this is happening at OU because it makes it so relatable. It would be cool to include some more pictures to your pages, like maybe of the victims pre-tragedy, to make it even more real and scary. Anyways, keep up the great work and I can't wait to see what creative story element you come up with next.
ReplyDeleteHi Dana! Really great story! While I have no idea where Holmberg Hall is, I could definitely see this situation happening in any of the building on campus that have pianos. You made this story feel very real and it was really cool how you adapted the story to be in your own perspective. I can really see where someone was up late practicing their instrument when they hear a strange noise, causing their imagination to run while. I think that some illustrations would make this story pop even more to the reader! Like maybe some picture of ghosts and opera singers, or even images from the phantom of the opera movie. This story seems like it could have been inspired by that movie in the first place. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Dana,
ReplyDeleteI thought that your storybook was great! I really liked how you made the stories connect to OU. It gave us all a personal connection to the stories and help give background information without actually having to tell us the information itself. Your intro was strong and seemed to have a lot of thought put into it. As for the stories I think that They were super interesting and had great detail. The detail painted images in my mind as I read through. The haunting really made me feel like Cate was really haunted. Plus being a supernatural fan, I thought it was really fun to read the hauntings.
Hi Dana!
ReplyDeleteI just read your story about the tragedy in Cate Center. I love the unique style you used to tell this story. It gives your reader the chance to shape the story in whatever way they wish while still following the plot. It reminded me of some books I used to read while growing up. Where did you get the idea to tell your story in this way? It's brilliant!
I also love that you used OU's campus for your story. For this class, it brings in an extra tie for each of your readers to feel that connection with your story. Not gonna lie, this story started making me wonder if there is a dumbwaiter in the Cate Center. That would be pretty cool!
Thank you so much for making a unique story that changed up the pace for your reader! It made it a lot of fun to read! Keep up the great work!
Hello Dana. I read the first story in your series about ghost on the OU Campus. I think it is a nice choice for this class since we all have been to these buildings at some point in our time at OU. As far as a general audience goes it might be a tough sell. As far as the story goes I enjoy the first person perspective and you telling it into a diary or journal. The story had a pretty good pace. I would have added a little more detail when it comes to the ghost. You touched on it in the author's note but it should have been in the story somewhere. Possibly in the beginning portion where the unease of being there starts. Other than that I would keep a general audience in mind, what is it that could be done to keep them engaged, details is where you should start.
ReplyDeleteHey Dana,
ReplyDeleteJust checking back in to look at your portfolio again! The interactive story was the coolest thing I have read all semester! I have no Idea how you did that but it was so much fun getting to be able to choose my own ending. I picked the one that was going to be as scary as possible and it did not disappoint. The only thing I would consider making changes is to is that the story just felt like it ended so abruptly. I would maybe add some more detail to it to make it even more scary and interesting. The way it was present was perfect but I think coming up with a little more detail from your own imagination to keep the readers locked in to what you are writing. You could even make it more gory and explain what the kids head did when it got caught in the dumbwaiter. Other than that, I thoroughly enjoyed this interactive experience and maybe I can try and figure out how to do something like that myself. Keep up the good work!
Hi there Dana!
ReplyDeleteWell I am so excited that I made my way back to your storybook!! I saw it in the very early days of your storybook, when you only had the homepage up! So it is really cool to see how far you have come. I see that you have added 3 whole stories to it, which is awesome! You've been putting in some serious work.
OK, maybe I am naive (or just dumb) but I had no idea that your stories were based of off actual retellings! When I first came to your page a while ago, the way your intro sounded was that of a new student at OU who has been experiencing some strange encounters. Perhaps you did have that there, and just have made some changes since then! But seriously now I want to look up the actual stories from Jeff Provine's book, its so creepy!!
The only advice I have would be, if possible, to elaborate on the second two stories if possible. The first one is excellent and filled with detail, and I would love to see that for the following ones. Plus, the interactive story did not work with my browser :(
Other than that, great job and happy writing!
Dana,
ReplyDeleteYour project is so cool! I am a tour guide at OU, so they tell us those stories during the Halloween season to spice up our tours! I LOVED the story about Cate Center. Not only have I not heard that one before, I absolutely loved the "options" you gave your readers. This makes the readers make the story their own! I was so intrigued that I wanted to read more! This was so well done! I will have to use this one while I am walking next to cate! Also, the style of your writing was easy-to-follow, and I noticed that before I saw your bio at the end. You are definitely in the right major, your writing was exceptional! Keep up the good work, and good luck with the rest of your semester!
Hi Dana! Wow, you did a great job on this project! I’m assuming you are into scary stories. Haha. My favorite part about “A Strange Day in Holmberg Hall” was the ending! I feel like you were building up to that point, and then you waited till the end for the scariest part of all—great work! My favorite part about “Tragedy in Cate Center” was the fact that the audience got to pic what path they wanted to take into the story—how creative! I think this really made your project stand out, and I’m so glad I got to read your mysterious writings! One thing I was a little confused about was “A Night at the old Tri-Delt house. I thought that the color scheme was hard to follow, and a bit distracting from your writing. What if you decided to just stick with one color? Other than that, I loved it!
ReplyDeleteHi Dana!
ReplyDeleteYour introduction was so spooky! It did an amazing job at letting the reader know what each ghost story was going to be about which drew me in even more. I like how you chose to go about telling these stories through the account of an eye witness. This allows the witness to give an accurate depiction of each encounter and why those places were haunted in the first place. I'm a sucker when it comes to ghost stories even though I know that I get scared after reading or watching them. I've never personally been on an OU ghost tour, but I wonder if you drew an inspiration from them. After reading the stories it makes me a tiny bit scared to go into these buildings at night now. The fact that you chose OU to write about is very interesting because I know that there are a couple "haunted" buildings on campus and even in Norman! Overall, you had a great storybook and I look forward to reading more from you!
Dana, I had visited your project before and chose to revisit it for my last Feedback assignment! I read your last two stories today, and I thought it was so great that you changed up your storytelling method. All of the storybooks and portfolios that I have seen have stuck to the same format throughout, and I thought was you did with the third story was so cool. Letting the reader choose the events and the outcome of the story in an interactive manner was intriguing. I wanted to know if the story of the boy being decapitated in 1986 was true? Also, thanks for including the website that you used to set this up. It was also cool that you made the last story a phone conversation, as this differs from your other storytelling methods, as well. Great job on this project! I'm glad that I got to read your entire project this semester!
ReplyDeleteHi Dana! First, your website looks really good and navigates well. I like the fact that you included actual pictures from campus. I am a huge fan of horror stories so I knew I had to visit your site after reading your title. I will say the story that stuck out to me the most was the choose your own adventure story in Cate center. I was definitely not expecting it to actually have multiple different endings, so it was a really nice surprise. I clicked through all of the scenarios so I could read everything that you had put for each option. I honestly have no critiques for it because I thoroughly enjoyed the fact that it was like Goosebumps. However, what if you added another part to the ending where you are the one that gets your head chopped off? You could say something about how you now haunt Cate center. I think that would be an interesting, but it’s just a thought and I really don’t think you need to change anything.
ReplyDeleteHowdy Dana! I'm back because I wanted to see how your storybook turned out, and it's really neat! I hadn't read the "Night at the old Tri-Delt house" story before, but your creative and unique narrative style were really engaging. I love how you switched up the format between every story — it really worked since the stories all involved different settings and characters. And the alternating colors on the dialogue for your final story was smart and easy to read. I think one thing that might be helpful would be to include a picture of each story's setting (Holmberg, Cate, the old Tri-Delt house/telephone booth) in the header of each story instead of using the same shot of OU for each header. It might be especially nice on the second story, so you can get straight to the Twine while using the Cate Center photo in the header. Otherwise, this looks wonderful — fabulous job!
ReplyDeleteHi Dana,
ReplyDeleteYou have done a really great job on your project throughout this semester. I love the layout you chose for your website. It is very neat, clean and easy to navigate. You had a different twist to your project than the other student's in the class and I really enjoyed it. I think the ghost stories of various places around norman was a great idea, and it was very entertaining to read. You did an excellent job with included dialogue, and also a good job of formatting that dialogue. It was very smooth and you incorporated it into the story nicely. Great job on this project. You did well all semester!
Brooks
Hi Dana!
ReplyDeleteI chose to read your collection because I adore ghost stories and I also love OU. I’m not sure if you have talked to Cathy (our late-night cleaning lady in Copeland), but she has some interesting ghost stories to share. You may want to ask her the next time you work late. I read A Night at the old Tri-Delt House first because it sounded the most interesting to me. You did a wonderful job retelling this story and making it your own. I never know that there was an exorcism on campus. In fact, I wish I never knew because I know this is going to bother me. After reading this, I moved on to Reporting from Bizzell. I liked how you used your experience as a reporter to tell this story. I wonder will Francis be the ghost or was she killed by a ghost? Overall your project was so interesting and I really enjoyed the stories that you share.
Hello Dana!
ReplyDeleteWell it is the end of the semester and out of all the portfolios I have read I figured I would finish with yours. The flow and design are great. The different styles you used, especially with the transcript were pretty well done. Gives a nice change of pace to what one would normally encounter with these portfolios. I still think your use of using known OU ghost stories is a genius idea. I am sure you could get more information the more you digged just from people on campus. Your writing is far superior to mine, I can tell you will be a great writer in your career. My only negative would be the interactive story. Although it was a great idea and had multiple outcomes, this probably wasn't the class to use it for. It did interrupt the flow some, at least for me because I am a speed reader. Other than that it is an amazing portfolio and great job!